I’ve looked at so many Gospel album covers I thought I’d die of vicarious polyester poisoning. I mean how many big hairdos and groups that can’t count can you stand? I must have clicked some random link by mistake and came across a whole cache of Gospel albums featuring evangelist with their dummies.

This is some old school stuff. I can remember seeing one of these guys during the weekly chapel way back in elementary school. These guys were the kiddie gospel entertainment before Psalty, Bibleman, or VeggieTales.

Here is what passed as child Gospel evangelism when I was a kid. . .

Ok, which one is Marcy? I do like the matching outfits, they make it look like a sister act. I actually sang some of these songs in elementary school but there’s one I’m not sure about, “Stop and let me tell you.” My mom said not to talk to strangers and these two look a little strange to me. Does anyone else think the doll looks like the bride of Chucky?

This picture makes me uncomfortable. Are they praying or snuggling? I worry about the relationship between the two of them. The cover reads “Erick and his manipulator Beverly Massegee.” What kind of relationship is it if one person is being manipulated?

Don and Louie will tell you Bible stories. They also teach you to dress from the 1969 Sears catalog. This is only Volume 1! I wonder how many volumes there were? Let me know if you can find out. Seriously, there was more than one of these?

Do you know Jesus? If I say yes will you make the doll stop looking at me? This is Uncle Les and Aunt Nancy. It’s the part of the family mom tells you not to talk about at Thanksgiving dinner. No one mention Randy, it upsets grandpa.

Behold! Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker!!! Yep before she was famous for runny mascara and he started selling apocalypse survival products, they played with puppets. Praise The Lord.

Back in the days of Hawthorne Christian School, I can remember at least one ventriloquist, two magicians and some guy that drew pictures on a chalkboard as chapel guest speakers. The rest of the time it was teachers and the vice principal. They may not have been the highest quality but at least they weren’t Bibleman. I wasn’t permanently scarred by the Gospel ventriloquist as a child but I am shocked at how many of them there were traveling the country.

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