Fundagelicals love them some homeschooling. Secular public schools are full of devil worshipping teachers who try to teach evolution. Fundagelicals therefor teach their kids at home. However, happy little handmaids are too busy being submissive to their husbands by cooking, clean, and birthing a quiver full of babies to be bothered with a complex task like curriculum. Luckily for all these stay-at-home helpmates, Accelerate Christian Education (ACE) a Texas-based Fundagelical curriculum company has provided Godly workbooks for the future fundies to learn from.
How good is the curriculum? Does it include critical thinking skills? Does it teach young minds how to investigate the world? I’m glad you asked. Behold questions from ACE curriculum workbooks. Remember folks; kids are the future.
Let’s start off with a few 4th-grade questions. Are you smart enough to answer?
If Celsius were a certain Bible, it must be of the devil because everyone knows only the King James is Fundagelical approved.
If you can’t figure out this one and you find yourself scratching your noodle, then Science isn’t a good choice for your future major. These two questions were actual science questions. Maybe you can identify a famous scientist with this question:
Too hard? Don’t worry you can always be a Fundagelical preacher. Facts and Science just get in the way of faith anyway.
For those of you who were able to answer the previous questions correctly, you can move on to the 7th grade. Are you ready?
Let me check with my academic counselor on that one, and I’ll get back to you. How about this,
I guessed cookies and was disappointed not to see that as a possible answer. My grandma was a godly homemaker, but she made her home a place of cookies!
Let’s all graduate to 9th grade. If you do well here, you might get a High School diploma.
This is some advanced stuff because no Fundagelical would ever let their kid read Darwin’s book.
Well Duh! I read the Bible. God did it. See I’m educated.
Time to go for 12th-grade toughies. If you can make it past this, you are eligible to go to dozens on non-accredited Bible schools just like your pastor did.
See we got culture and everything. We know all about the arts. try me on a tough science thingy.
Hey! No fair! Those are all actual science terms. This is a trick question.
So, the next time you meet the nice Fundagelical family down the street with 19 unvaccinated kids and counting, rest assured that they will definitely be the sharpest arrows in the quiver because Christian homeschooling isn’t regulated by a secular government that interferes with pesky things like educational standards.
Well, that wraps it up for today, if you answered all the questions correctly print out a diploma for yourself and have your mom hand it to you. Thanks for reading, don’t forget to like the post and subscribe if you haven’t already. You can watch my vlog at Rev’s Reels on YouTube. You can also follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Join me and a bunch of other former Fundagelicals at Open Door Ministries in Westminster at the Westminster Mall every Sunday.